On Self Doubt.

I absolutely love when I receive compliments for photos I've taken. Love it. Warms my little heart when someone takes the time to tell me that they really liked a shoot I did or better yet when the people I've taken photos of tell me that they love their photos. It truly is the best feeling in the world.

But then....

A little while later - self doubt kicks in. And I get this sinking feeling....and a voice in my head asks...what if I can't do better than those photos? What if that is the very best I can do? What if someone hires me expecting great photos and I can't deliver? What if I can't come up with new poses? Or locations? I lucked out and it was a fluke I got those great images - I probably won't be able to do it again.

Sometimes that self doubt can be paralyzing.

But then...

It pushes me. To do better and be better. For my next shoot to be even better than the last. To put time into coming up with new poses or locations. To understand my camera more. To research and learn as much as I can about photography so I can be better. To push myself more than I thought possible - closer to the photographer I want to be. Learn from my mistakes and become better because of them.

And, maybe, its a good thing I have that little voice of self doubt. So that I don't become complacent and be fine with the same level of images - with not pushing myself to improve and strive for more. So that I don't settle. To provide images I'm proud of but do even better the next shoot.

It's a bit of a balancing act.... to not drown in my self doubt and become lost and hopeless but to use it as motivation to carry me forward.

And when I am drowning - I cling to my life raft and he helps pull me through. 

Photo from our shoot with Melissa Jill.

Nanaimo, BC

Last week I had the amazing opportunity to take a trip out to Nanaimo, BC with my mom to watch my brothers hockey team play in the Western Canada Cup. After a very dreary, snow covered, non spring like April I was more than willing to hop on a plane and get away to greener pastures. The island didn't disappoint. We watched a lot of hockey but thankfully we had a lot of down time to go and explore. I love the west coast - the trees, the ocean, the character, the charm. Everything. This trip did nothing but expand my love more.

We had a little bit slower pace of life for the week we were there and it helped us to really take in and enjoy our surroundings. So thankful for this trip.

I took out my SLR for our day trip to Cathedral Grove but for the rest of the time I documented our trip with my iPhone. Some highlights....













I may have gone a little instagram crazy....

Cathedral Grove

This week my mom & I are in Nanaimo, BC to cheer on my brother at the Western Canada Cup. The games are fairly spread out though so we have lots of down time on our hands. We decided to take a drive up to MacMillan Provincial Park to see the trees at Cathedral Grove.

We pulled off the highway, parked, and from the moment we stepped foot onto the path it felt like we stepped into another world. A magical one. One with giant tower trees, moss growing wild, bright pink little flowers, and so many different shades of green.

It was incredible.

The overall amazingness was hard to capture in photos. So I focused on capturing all the little details that make up this beautiful grove.

Telling Stories

I recently read Love Walked In by Marisa de los Santos. It was a wonderful book but there was one line that jumped out at me as soon as I read it. It went something like this...

"Clare realized that while she was the main character of her own story and all these people are supporting characters in her story - each of the supporting characters is the main character in their own stories and she was just a supporting character to them."

*The above quote is me paraphrasing the jist of what I read. In typical me fashion I returned the book to the library and forgot to copy out the actual quote and now cannot find it anywhere on the whole wide internet. Of course. Ahem. I digress.*

This quote jumped out at me immediately - I loved how this portrayed the whole 'walk a day in their shoes' idea in a way that was so much more understandable to me. It is so easy to get wrapped up in being the main character. We are so focused on our own stories that we forget to be the best supporting character we can to those who are in our lives. We forget that everyone else has their very own, very different, story they are living.

I think that maybe that is why I like photography so much. The ability to step outside of my story for a moment, an hour, a day and capture someone else as the main character of their story. To put my story aside and really focus on telling someone else's story. To give them a tangible reminder of that chapter of their lives - to essentially say that their story is one worth telling. That it matters.

Photographer is one of my favourite supporting characters to be. Always such an honour to be part of someone's unique story.


*photos from last year's photo shoot with Amy & Jordan*

Stuff.

One of my favourite parts of moving back to Canada is that we get to spend the summer amongst our stuff. And I know, believe me I know, that stuff is just stuff but I am a firm believer in only bringing into your home *stuff* that makes you happy. Stuff with a story, with memories, with happiness.

After all - isn't it those little details and moments in everyday life, the stories & memories & happiness, that our life is made up of?

And so, these little details - stuff - I've chosen to bring into our home are ones full of all those things that remind me how precious this life is and just how much I have to be thankful for. Little details that make me happy.

Some stories behind the stuff I love...

This picture frame was given to me as a birthday gift from my Grandma - an amazing woman who I cherish. The bottom book is a travel diary filled with the places Scott & I have visited together. The red book was given to me as a going away gift from the family I lived with in Spain - they wrote little notes inside the cover. We used the mini chests as decor at our wedding. The key I bought in my new favourite city.



The blue suitcase had to come home with me & the birdcage was a gift from Scott's aunt and I love that a little detail from her life was passed onto me. More books - never enough books in my life. These ones from a book fair I stumbled on in Spain.



Yes, in my house even the DVD player & wii get prettified. By a thrift store vintage camera and an elephant I bought on a trip to Jamaica with my sister & brother.



We brought home the wooden globe from our honeymoon in Dominican - we bartered with the vendor who's 'store' was a thatched roof hut just down the beach from our resort. The floor was non existent - just sand beneath the shelves of souvenirs. Souvenirs that were in constant danger of the ocean waves getting a little too close.



I made the right choice lugging this treasure home from Phoenix. Little birds from a shop close to my old job in Lethbridge and a thrift store book are keeping it company.



Two sets of salt & pepper shakers. Both empty. These ones from this trip. The elephants were bought on the first road trip Scott took me on - up to Swan River to meet his Uncle Elmer. Beyond happy I was blessed enough to have Elmer in my life and to have this small token to make me think of him and smile.



And I know, I know, that stuff is just stuff and I would have all those memories without it. But this stuff? It makes me happy & our home pretty. And I'm okay with that.

Dream Chasing.

It was an offhand comment from our landlord....

We had just gotten the keys for our new place, signed all the papers, handed over the rent cheques. I already had a liking for this new landlord of ours because he bent the rules a little to let us rent in the first place. We got to chatting - our winter in Phoenix came up. "I don't mean to pry - but why do you go down there?" He asked. Everyone asks. "To practice and play and really work at improving my golf game so I can compete better in the summer" Scott answered.

"Awesome. I love when people chase their dreams"

....I was a little taken aback that this man we had just met not only put his finger on exactly what we are doing - he commended us for it. It made me pause. It made me smile. It made me happy to have a tiny morsel of support, instead of the usual 'you guys are crazy' response, for our dream chasing life right now.

So, to all you dream chasers out there. I commend you. For being brave enough to make risks and chase your dreams.

The Draw of The Ocean.

There is just something about the ocean that speaks to me and makes my soul content. Any ocean in any part of the world. Standing looking out into the never ending waves - it just does something for me.

To wrap up our whirlwind two days in my new favourite city we went out to Coronado Island. We held hands and walked along the sandy shoreline with the salty wind blowing in our faces. We dipped our toes into the water and then ran away laughing because it was shockingly cold. He held my flip flops so I was free to snap photos.

'Let's just sit' he suggested. And so we did. Side by side. Staring out at the ocean. I wrapped one arm around his and rested my head on his shoulder. And I felt it. All the reasons the ocean calls out to me - the calm, the serenity, the wonder. I felt gratitude and happiness and love. I felt so blessed to be sitting on that beach staring out at the ocean with my love.

And then, I kid you not, we saw a pod of dolphins surfacing in the ocean just a ways down from us. 6 or 7 we counted. How could I ask for a better ending to our trip than that? Happy heart over here.







*Truth Time: These photos were actually taken at Mission Beach with my dSLR. I already posted the iPhone photos from Coronado Island and wanted to write about our time on that beach but didn't want to reuse the photos twice!*

Sea World.

While in San Diego we had to make the most of our limited time in the city. So, unfortunately, we had to choose between going to the world famous San Diego Zoo or Sea World. I hear you can feed the elephants at the zoo - huge pro for going to the zoo in my books - BUT we decided to go to Sea World because it was something we couldn't do everywhere and I had never been.

Plus, I used up my take-husband-to-the-Zoo-and-make-him-stare-at-elephants-for-hours coupon last year and I don't think I get another one for a couple years now ;)

I wasn't sure what to expect going to Sea World. I honestly thought it was just the couple shows and that's all - maybe a few gift shops thrown in there. My expectations weren't set too high.

I was completely BLOWN away by how amazing of an experience it was.

We had so much fun. SO MUCH. I was probably more excited and giddy than all the six year olds at the park. I couldn't believe all the rides, exhibits, animals, PLUS all the shows!! We jammed so much into our day and STILL didn't see/do everything! We did manage to ride their brand new roller coaster, Manta, a few times though.

Our hands down favourite part of the day was the One Ocean show. Orca's are incredible animals and we were so impressed with this show. We made sure to sit just above the 'splash zone' so we could just laugh at all the people getting SOAKED from the whales splashing the crowd!

I loved every minute we spent at Sea World - truly an amazing experience.

The time we went to San Diego.

It was on my wish list for a while. Since last year actually. Visit San Diego. I don't know why but it stuck in my head - I needed to go. I just had this feeling that I had to visit this city.

Maybe it was the draw of the ocean. Or the beach.

Maybe it was just the desire to explore a new city I've never been to.

Maybe I knew Scott & I needed this little vacation to spend quality time together before leaving Phoenix and starting our crazy summer lives back home.


San Diego. It was so much better than I could have ever imagined.


We only spent one night and two wonderful days and I am completely smitten. I love this city. From the moment I stepped out of the car and took a deep breath of the salty ocean air - I knew. The soft sand under my feet, the ocean breeze blowing, strolling hand in hand down the boardwalk, dinner down in the Gaslamp District, exploring Sea World, sharing ice cream on Coronado Island. Every moment made me fall more in love.

The time we went to San Diego, in iPhone photos.



I now want to live in a beachfront house. Waking up to the ocean every morning? Yes, please.






So many kids on Spring Break while we were there - we pretended that they were just making Scott Borsa 2013 love hearts in the sand for Scott. He was very popular down there ;)